Making Meaningful Changes to this Blog
I’ve been restless and bored
For years, whenever people would ask me how I was, my answer was “busy!” Not because I wore it as some badge of honour, but merely as a matter of fact. Over the last 7 years, I’ve been running on all cylinders, going a mile a minute. But now, I’m bored. Completely, utterly, and painfully bored.
A few months ago I made the decision to sell my startup. I went from managing a team of eight people, overseeing multiple ongoing projects, and jumping from back-to-back meetings in a packed calendar…to virtually nothing. After bidding an emotional goodbye to my teammates, external stakeholders, clients and online community, everything went quiet. My world went from feeling like it was constantly spinning out of control to grinding to a screeching halt. The silence was jarring.
The last several months of stillness and quiet were a nice change of pace. But, the heaviness of boredom has settled in and has me questioning if this was the right thing to do. Wasn’t I supposed to clear my schedule? Isn’t it a good thing to create margin and breathing room? Wasn’t that the healthy thing to do? If so, then why do I feel so much more anxious and antsy than ever before?
Am I addicted to being busy?
The perception of busyness is polarizing. Either it’s demonized as a vice, or placed on an alter and worshipped as a measure of value. I’ve found myself wondering whether it was the busyness of life that I was addicted to - the constant notifications, pings, calendar invites, and emails. Or, was it something else? I don’t have any answers; at least, not right now. What I do have, though, is a gut feeling. My gut’s telling me that I need to always be building something in order to fully feel like myself. My gut is rarely wrong.
Busyness isn’t the enemy, a lack of direction is. I once had a mapped course. I was steering my ship towards something. Now, I’m letting myself wander aimlessly, letting the wind blow me in any direction it pleases. And, as romantic as that might sound, honestly, it’s not working for me. I fantasized about the idea of just “letting the chips fall where they may”, but I’m just not that kind of person. If I’ve learned anything during this “time off”, it’s this: I always have to be doing something. Something that takes creativity and intellectual prowess. Something that challenges me to grow. If I’m not growing, I’m dying.
Pursuing a prolific, purposeful, and peaceful life
Working on this blog has been the biggest antidote to my restlessness. It’s excited and reinvigorated my dormant creative energy, and has been a vehicle through which I can better understand how I want to design and live the rest of my life. But, I don’t want this space to become a digital “junk drawer” for my every fleeting thought or feeling. I already have my paper journal for that mess. I also don’t want it to morph into some SEO-driven “how to” clutter that’s already around every corner of the internet.
As I’ve thought deeply about the kind of content I want to create and share on this platform, I’ve kept coming back to these three words: prolific, purposeful, and peaceful. Being prolific means to be highly abundant and fruitful. Beyond just checking tasks off of a to-do list, it’s about moving the needle on things that truly matter. Being purposeful means to be determined and resolute, focused on a life of meaning and significance. And lastly, what good is all of this if our experience of life is just one frantic pursuit after another? Being peaceful means having freedom of the mind from annoyances, distractions, obsessions, and anxiety. Obviously this doesn’t mean floating through each day in a zen-like haze. It does mean having a deep and abiding inner quiet in a loud, busy, and notification-laden world. That’s what I’m pursuing - days, weeks, months, and years that are prolific, purposeful, and peaceful. Not just busy just for the sake of filling time and exerting energy.
Coming back to the drawing board
This space, my internet home, is where I come back to the drawing board. To once again get my creative juices flowing, flex my writing muscles, my photography chops, and cultivate a community. Though I’ll still write about business, money, leadership and work, this blog won’t be (nor ever was) a “how to” guide from an expert dispersing wisdom to the masses. Rather, it will be an exploration of the things that I myself am interested in, thinking about, and working on. And, those topics may not necessarily fall neatly in any of the previous categories. Don’t worry, I won’t be doing any make-up tutorials or movie reviews any time soon. But, you can expect reflections and recommendations from my travels, thoughts on creativity, technology, family, and faith. I hope this blog will continue to be something you resonate with and enjoy, and hopefully come back to read time and time again. Better yet, join my email community to be notified whenever I publish a new post!
Here’s to being prolific, purposeful, and peaceful…
Cheers,
Octavia
